I ended Devil’s Den with 51 miles. Moments before it started, I had kind of a moment of panic. Really, a moment of clarity. I hadn’t done anything like this in more than three years. I hadn’t done a legit trail run of their lap distance (6.4 miles) in over a year. And only maybe three in the last three years. And none with the elevation and terrain of this race. I’d signed up for 30 hours. What a moron. I’d definitely be cooked after just one lap.
That’s exactly what happened. The course featured long mountain climbs, gnarly roots, jagged rocks. It was less a trail race course and more an act of violence. It was the kind of course I would have loved when I had mountain legs. But I don’t anymore. I felt beaten and completely done early in lap two.
I spent the first few laps beating myself up, comparing it to when I could do this stuff before the injury; thinking of how far I’d fallen. I felt embarrassed, pathetic, and weak.
Then I realized that’s a poor comparison. I should instead compare myself to who I was in the spring, when I was getting injured on simple walks. When I thought I’d never do stuff like this again. Focusing on that, I started feeling good. My knee was holding up. I was making progress.
I also focused on how the discomfort was an opportunity. Whereas such pain used to not set in until 40 miles, now it was 8 miles. The number doesn’t matter; it’s how you react to that threshold. It was hurting and I was tempted to quit, but I focused instead of just moving forward. It wasn’t pretty, and I didn’t pile up a ton of miles, but I was happy to be able to do that. As for takeaways:
The Good: The knee held up under difficult terrain. So did the mental game. Given that, I’m encouraged for when I get those mountain legs back.
The Bad: I’ve fallen far from what I used to be. Building those mountain legs back is going to take a lot of time.
The Stupid: Thinking I could tackle a course like this when I haven’t done anything remotely close to it in years, while getting over a significant injury, and thinking I could do it because I “felt good” doing two- to three-mile runs on flat paved road is stupid. I mean really stupid. Don’t do this.